The Will to Live
by macalaniaa
Summary: I had thought changing things would be easy. Like the butterfly effect. One small little flap on the edge of the world, and a tsunami reaches the other. But time is set. And even though twists can occur, even though people who weren't here originally suddenly can be…it is a difficult, difficult thing to alter. (dreaded rebirth fic) (inspired by Silver Queens Reincarnation Roulette)
1. Chapter 1

A story always has two sides. And you, well, you only saw one.

We could start at the beginning. The whole "birth, death, rebirth" process. But I've never been one for wasting time. If anything, life in this world has taught me that we don't have much of it. So I'll cut to the chase. I was born to a mother I never knew, fathered by a man I never met, and born in a land I had only read about in black and white pages of a book a lifetime ago.

I'll skip the wailing, the crying, the absolute terror that ran through me once I realized where I was and what was happening. Being reborn into this world isn't a blessing as much as it is a curse. Maybe if you're born in Konoha, or Suna, you could consider it a "blessing." Sure, you'll go to the academy! Sure, you'll learn ninjutsu! Sure, you'll be able to use chakra and move around and jump several feet in the air and you'll be SO! SUPER! COOL!

Give me a fucking break.

You'll have to kill. You'll have to maim. You'll have to witness war crimes, rape, murder, kidnapping, trafficking, because that's what this was. This world was, is, always will be, war. Humans don't change just because a black and white panel exists. You see the bright side. The "Peace is attainable!" "No more death!" "Good always wins!" side.

You see the Konoha side.

You don't get to see Kiri.

I remember I cried. The fear of being in this world was one thing, but learning I lived in what could possibly be the most brutal of the countries made my small body shake and tremble with silent sobs that made my caretakers believe I was having seizures.

But this was Kiri. And there were very little medical ninja, if any, available for civilians. Let alone orphans.

There was no mercy here.

But in the middle of it all, in the middle of the war and the pain and the bloodshed that comes with being a human being in this land…there was one thing that held me together in this time.

A little girl. A baby.

I was a twin.

I remember the first time my eyesight cleared, and how I stared at her in awe…a little wiggly thing with brown hair and a gummy smile, that always, always, always tried to snuggle up next to me. A baby that, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, loved me, unconditionally, without any doubt, without any fear, and without any prejudice.

At first, it wasn't easy. I didn't know who she was. I didn't know who I was. I was just 'baby.' And she was 'baby #2'. She would reach out, and I would roll away. She would try to hug me, and I would cry. I was convinced that I didn't want her. I didn't want anyone. I wanted to be alone, to live out this life as quickly as possible. Because I knew this world.

And I knew how it ended.

I had no desire to figure out what "time" I was in. Kiri was always fighting, so the wars that went on past the entrance doors didn't exactly "narrow" anything down for me either. I didn't care to meet Naruto, or Sasuke, or even the Sannin. I was angry, and bitter, and I wanted nothing to do with this.

But…

But she was so..

I had never had a sibling in my past life, and I hadn't known what that form of love was. I didn't know how to describe the feeling in my chest of absolute pain and hurt and wonder that dwelled inside me. I wanted to protect her. This world was cruel, it was so, so cruel, and I remember thinking god just please let her live let her be okay let her be _safe._

Maybe that's an innate feeling that comes with family. Maybe it's something that's formed, or grown into. I don't know. I know shouldn't have cared. I shouldn't have bothered. She wasn't REALLY my sister any more than I was REALLY supposed to be in this world.

But she _was_ my sister.

And I _was_ in this world.

And In between my angst and anger…I grew to love her.

How could I not?

How do you not love someone who is always there with you? There for you?

I accepted her. And she loved me.

I wanted, so badly, for that to be enough.

But it wasn't.

Love never is.

* * *

We kept growing. Time didn't stop, time never stopped, and it went by so much faster than I ever wanted to. Babies became toddlers, and toddlers are curious. I was able to deduce that we lived in an orphanage. Nobody, except an array of different adults that I quickly figured out worked there, interacted with us. White walls, multiple beds, lots of other children who were just as lost as us. We also weren't allowed to go outside, for reasons unknown to anyone in the orphanage except me.

Can't have toddlers in a battlefield, can you.

I remember crawling around on a cold wood floor and being followed by that little brown haired girl. I never knew what to call her. I hadn't heard anyone use our names, if we even had them. Whenever adults would let us out of the crib, they barely spoke, aside from a simple "hello" or a "hey you" in a language I was slowly, but surely, beginning to learn.

But nobody ever called us by name. So for a long, long time…we were just…'hey you'.

But we were growing. And soon we began to walk, to speak, to grasp the environment around us in a way that made us wonder WHY things were the way they were. And she was so CURIOUS. It was so hard to just let things be, to ride this wave out until it gently took us to the shore. No, she wanted to jump off a tsunami, to face the tide head on, to risk drowning if it meant she got to see the fishes underwater.

She was always, always, so adventurous.

And I just wanted easy. I wanted no attention drawn to us. I was perfectly happy not knowing my name, or how fucked up the world outside _really_ was.

Realistically speaking, I should've. I should've done research, I should've looked to see what timeline I was in, who I was around, what I could do to 'save the day.' Maybe if I had, Sasuke wouldn't have to grow up without psychiatric help after his clan was killed. Maybe Naruto would still have his parents. Hell, maybe the Uchiha wouldn't have had to die.

But I was barely learning how to run.

What, exactly, would you have me do?

* * *

We got older, and soon we were running around, our legs finally strong enough to support us at reasonable speed, and it got harder to act as though the outside didn't interest me. Because it interested her. So much. And soon enough, I wasn't able to stop her. She wanted answers. So, we went looking.

Maybe we shouldn't have.

The adults in the orphanage dwindled in numbers. There weren't many to begin with, but as the time went by, they became more and more scarce. And the kids…their numbers started dwindling as well.

"Do you ever wonder what our names are?" She asked me once.

I frowned at the thought, staring at her as she stared out the window.

"No." I answered honestly. "We probably don't even have names."

"Tai said everyone has names." She pouted. "We should find ours."

"Who's Tai?" I asked, yawning as I sat up.

"The older boy who used to sleep in the third bed on the fourth row!" She smiled. "He's gone now. I don't know where he went, but…he said everyone has a name, and that we should find ours someday."

"Hm." I frowned, dismissing the story as nothing more than a possible dream.

Orphans didn't have names.

Orphans didn't have anything.

"Come on." She whined. "Don't you wanna know? What if its something beautiful, like "Sayuri" or "Kaiya." She smiled.

"That can be your name if you want." I grumbled.

"No, silly." She laughed. "We have to find our real names. We can't just name ourselves!"

I sighed in annoyance. I had to admit that names were important. It was the first step in identifying who you were. And while I didn't particularly care what role I played in this world, or who I was "meant" to be…she did.

And she wanted to know.

So, I draped my small feet off the matress and hopped off, my tiny body waddling towards the the entrance of the "sleeping area" we all stayed in. There weren't many of us left. Me, my sister, and maybe 3 others who fell asleep for hours on end and sniffled often. Maybe they were sick.

Maybe they were crying.

I never got to know.

"Come on." I said, waving her over as she wiggled her way off the mattress, both of our legs working hard to get us to an adult.

"There's usually someone in the kitchen." I admitted. "She doesn't talk much though."

"You think she knows our names?" She asked.

"Shes got to." I responded. "She marks off whenever we have lunch."

I rounded a corner, tugging my sister towards the cafeteria as we saw her.

A small, frail, gray haired old woman, silently chopping whatever vegetables she could muster. Food was scarce.

Everything was scarce.

"Scuse me." I muttered, as I walked up to her, tugging at her skirt. "I have a question."

"Hm? Oh, uhm… Yes, dear?" She said, quickly wiping her eyes, her face torn. I suddenly forgot what I came here to ask, my mind shocked by the sudden display of emotion I was witnessing.

It had been a long time since I had actually SEEN sorrow.

The kids in the orphanage never really showed any emotion. My sister always smiled, but that was because I made sure she was happy…

It had been so long since I had seen pain like that. It was like realizing where I was all over again. It was like looking in a mirror. The old woman I could've been, should've been in a different place, a different land, a different world…watching the person I WAS instead.

It hurt me.

"Ne, baa-chan." My sister said, quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, little one." She said, wiping her eyes. "I'll be alright. Don't trouble yourselves with the sorrows of the grown ups." She laughed. "Go enjoy yourselves. Lunch will be ready for everyone in an hour or so."

"…whats wrong?" My sister said, extending her arms towards the woman. The woman leaned in from her seat, instinctively, letting my sisters tiny hands travel over her weathered face. Young fingers who had never known blood, murder, or sorrow, sloppily wiped away the tears streaks that framed her cheeks.

"…you both have been here a while, haven't you?" She smiled, looking at us both. We looked at each other. How would we know?

I never marked our birthdays. I never kept a calendar.

Being ignorant of the outside was easy when you didn't keep track of time. Judging by my sisters body, we were (maybe) three years old. But I wasn't totally sure.

"I guess." I muttered.

"….." The lady swallowed hard as she sat up, my sisters arms dropping to her sides as the woman began to speak. "The orphanage will be closing soon." She said, softly. "We…we can't afford to keep it running any longer."

I felt my body freeze as my sister jolted in surprise and snapped her head towards me.

It's a strange feeling, being helpless. Especially when someone relies on you. The orphanage had never been luxurious by any means, but it had been a home. It fed us, it let us grow in a safe environment. And that alone was a luxury many couldn't afford in this world. It had been our one safe haven. Our little home.

And it was being taken away.

Maybe that's why I could relate to the old woman so much. Because when I looked at my sister, and her eyebrows dipped, her lower lip jutted out, and she mouthed "What?", she was looking to me for guidance. For help. For answers to "what do we do? Where do we go? Whats going to happen to us?"

And I didn't have any of them.

I had nothing to give her. Not even a comfortable lie would suffice. I couldn't tell her we would be okay, because I wasn't sure we would be. I couldn't tell her where we would go, because I didn't know if we were capable of going anywhere. And I couldn't tell her what to do. Because I had no idea.

I was frozen in my tracks.

But she needed me. And her eyes were beginning to water.

So I smiled. My hands trembled, and my voice shook, but I told her the one truth I could guarantee her.

"Hey." I said, walking over to her as she wrapped her arms around my torso. I caressed her head as she sniffled into my chest.

"It doesn't matter." I said, honestly as she turned to look up at me.

"Hm?" She asked

"It doesn't matter what happens. Because no matter what, we're gonna stay together, okay?"

She sniffled, wiping at the tears that never got to fall as she swallowed hard.

"We are?"

"Of course we are." I said. "We'll be together, always."

"Always?"

"Always." I repeated. "Now, go say goodbye to baa-chan and go wait for me out in the sleeping area, ne? I'll meet up with you in a bit."

My sister nodded as she released me from her grasp, turning to the old woman. She stared at us for a moment before reaching out and stroking my sister's cheek.

"…. you both deserved so much better." She said, sadly. "So…so much better."

My sister swallowed hard as she gave the woman a soft smile. "It's okay, baa-chan." She replied, taking the woman's hand in hers. "Nii-chan says we're going to be together. If we're together, we'll be okay."

The old woman stared at me, her gaze calculating my leveled one. For a second, I could swear she saw through me. Just as I had seen myself in her…. perhaps she saw herself in me as well.

"Your Nii-chan is very smart." She said, her eyes never leaving mine. "Listen to her well, and I'm confident you both will endure."

"I promise, baa-chan." She smiled. I felt a pang grow in my heart.

A child only knows what she's exposed to. She hadn't known any different than the orphanage. She didn't know war, or what lay behind the entrance doors. She didn't know what lay on the battlefield, or if she would even participate in it.

No.

You tell a child things will be okay if we stay together, and they believe it. The same way the children of my old world believed in Santa, or the Tooth Fairy.

I knew the truth. She didn't.

And I wanted it to keep it that way.

"Ja-ne, Baa-chan!" She said, as she walked away. "Nii-chan, don't take long. I wanna know soon!" She smiled.

I waved her off with a smile as the old woman remained in her seat, not paying any mind to the vegetables in front of her.

She was helpless. And I could feel it in my bones. It was a wave of ice that drenched every nerve in my body, a bottomless pit being dug into my stomach. The feeling of "there is absolutely nothing left, nothing left, _nothing left_ " echoed inside me. I knew the feeling all too well...and it hurt.

It _hurt._

I swallowed hard as I walked up to her, touching her hand softly as she jumped and turned to look at me.

"Oh, little one." She sighed, her voice cracking as she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. Is something wrong?"

"…no…" I said, staring at her face sadly. Her eyes were red, her skin, dry. She'd been crying so much…so so much.

"I…actually had a question for you."

"Yes, my dear, what is it."

I took a deep breath, running through the possibilities in my head from worst to best. Worst case scenario, we were Senju, Uchiha, or Hyuuga. Noble clans, who demanded their members be ninja and were famous for their fighting ability. Best case scenario, we were Naras, or perhaps even Aburame. Lost kids from noticeable clans who could easily gain access to a safer place, but where the pressure to be a ninja wasn't so potent. Hell, if we were in the right time frame, even a clan from Kumo or Iwa would do.

All in all, I just wanted to live.

I wanted my sister and I to _fucking live._

I let out the breath I was holding as I looked at the woman, concern growing in her face.

"Do you...by any chance...know our names?" I asked, tentatively.

"Your…names?" She blinked.

"Yeah." I said. "Nobody really talks to us, so…we don't know."

I saw a flash of emotion go through her face like lightning. Was that-pity?

"…you don't know your names?" She asked quietly. I shook my head.

She bit her lips as a tear fell down her face. "I helped deliver you…" She whispered, choking back a sob. "And you don't know your names." She sniffled, quickly wiping a tear away as she sighed and reached out for my hands. I placed my tiny ones in her gray and weathered ones as she pulled me in, crouching out from her seat so she could look me at eye level.

"I'll tell you your name." She began, as she gave me a small smile. "But you have to promise me something."

I swallowed hard before nodding my head as she pulled me closer.

"You keep your sister safe, ne?"

"Of course." I said, defensively.

"No." She snapped. "I could see it in your eyes earlier. You…you're older. You're a child, but…you're not a _child_." She said, carefully. "You're an old soul, like your Mother was."

I felt my throat close.

"So you take care of her." She whispered again. "And you make good on that promise to always stay together. Okay?"

"Always." I said, repeating the promise we had made earlier.

She smiled softly at me before pulling me into an embrace. I shifted uncomfortable at the gesture, before deciding to reciprocate it, out of politeness if nothing else.

"Your name is Rei." She said, quietly. "You were born November 15, 30 minutes before your sister…. Your name is Nohara, Rei."

My body stiffened.

Nohara.

Nohara.

 _NOHARA._

 _That name._

I felt my hands clench. I felt my eyes water, and an entity that I can only name as 'fear' crawled into my heart, worked its way into my veins, clasped its icy hand around my spine and held it in a vice that made my body tremble like it never had before. Figuring out I lived in this world, figuring out I lived in Kiri, those realizations had been nothing compared to the petrifying mind number _icecold_ _ **fear**_ that ran through me.

 **NOHARA.**

I felt a lump build in my throat as I let that name echo inside me…like the chidori would echo in her chest…like her name would forever echo in my heart…like her last words would echo in the mind of a man we hadn't met yet.

 _'ka..ka..shi…'_

"Your sisters name is-

"Rin." We said, together.

Rin Nohara.

Kunoichi of Konoha.

Graduated academy by age 9.

Jinchuriki of the 3 tails.

 _DiED At AgE Th **IRT**_ ** _ **eE** N._**

I pulled back from the old woman, tears brimming in her eyes as well as mine, as I shook my head.

No.

No no no.

She couldn't be Rin. She **_couldn't_** be Rin. Rin didn't have siblings. Rin wasn't born in Kiri, was she? No, Rin wasn't born here, Rin wasn't...No...

"….You protect that little girl." She said, her tone harsh as tears brimmed in her eyes. "You hear me? No matter what."

I felt my lip tremble as a few tears spilled out of the corner of my eyes as I nodded, lifting up a dirtied sleeve to wipe them back. What was happening? **_What was this?_**

"I will." I promised. "I swear."

"…I...I've lost important people to me." She said, her tone somber. "I thought if I just kept my head down and did good deeds, good things would come. But…in this world… you have to be strong. I know you don't want to be...I didn't want to either." She admitted. "...but you have to grow strong. Do whatever you must. Forgiveness isn't important as long as you both just live." She said, grasping my face in her hands. I sniffled, nodding again as I felt my lip quiver.

"Just live." She said once more, as her grip on my face softened as she began to stroke my cheek.

What a request.

I often wonder how it felt for the only wish to have for a child is for them to survive the outside world. How it felt to know you could no longer protect them and that they have to fend for themselves when they are so clearly unready…how painful…how… _agonizing…_

I nodded once more, choking back the array of sobs that was slowly building in my chest.

"I promise." I said. "I promise, I'll grow strong…I'll protect Rin."

"Always." She said, mimicking my promise to Rin earlier.

"Always." I promised.

* * *

I had wanted that to be enough.

I had wanted my resolve, my determination to gain strength and protect at all costs to be enough.

I had thought changing things would be easy. Like the butterfly effect. One small little flap on the edge of the world, and a tsunami reaches the other.

But time is set. And even though twists can occur, even though people who weren't here originally suddenly _can_ …it is a difficult, difficult thing to alter.

My name is Nohara, Rei. Born November 15, in Kiri. Older twin to Nohara Rin by just a small 30 minutes.

And this is our side of the story.

* * *

 ** _AN: Ah, yes, the almighty rebirth fic. Are you surprised? Did you think i was better than that? Plot twist- IM NOT._**

 ** _To clear a few things up, this was actually inspired by Silver Queens reincarnation roulette. If you read the one where Meimu Uchiha is the main character, theres on phrase where she talked to Rin, and says something like "by land or by sea, theres no escaping mist shinobi." Implicating that Rin was actually a Kiri Spy all along._**

 ** _(maybe not, but thats how i took it.)_**

 ** _So then the imagination wheel started whirling and I came up with this. (and yes, Meimu may or may not make a later appearance. I gotta clear that with Silver Queen first though, since, you know, she's not my character.)_**

 ** _Maybe its good, maybe its awful, i wont know. BUT YOU KNOW! So let ME know in the reviews :)_**

 ** _Thanks! 3_**


	2. Chapter 2

The anime never divulged much about Rin. You never knew where she was born, what she believed in, where she came from, what she wanted to do. You got to hear about hopes, and aspirations from everyone.

But not Rin.

No, Rin served as the catalyst. She was the trigger of the gun. The flame that set ablaze the dynamite. The calm before the storm. The beginning of the end.

And I needed to figure out how to stop that.

I needed to ensure that the Rin of this world, the Rin of MY world, got that chance. That she got the chance to tell you her favorite color was purple, that she wanted to be a doctor, that she hated fish and wanted nothing more than to live happily ever after in a safe place.

And to do that, I needed to stop her from being that trigger.

But it was so hard to get accustomed to this world.

I came from a place where safety was guaranteed. I came form a place where raids, robbery, kidnapping, rape, those things happened, but I never saw them. I lived in a protective bubble of suburbia, shielded against the worst of the worst.

And before I knew it, I was thrown into a world where the worst of the worst was normal.

It's hard, breaking old habits. Growing up, you're told adults will always protect you. Adults will always be there for you. Adults are meant to be your shining light, your example to "be like this, you want this, this is good."

You're told, for so long, that if you just walk a straight path, no harm will come to you.

That doesn't apply to this world.

That doesn't apply to _anyone_.

The orphanage was set to close at a certain date, and that old woman had informed the proper authorities that they would be closing as to not cause any issues in the meantime. She had been trying to find us all homes. Nothing lavish, obviously. But families. Families of people willing to take in a child for a small amount of time. Rin and I were the youngest, and the younger you are, the easier it was to be adopted.

But not even we could find anyone. Which meant nobody else could, either.

And we never got a chance to, anyways.

The second night after she had told the authorities that we were set to close, we got raided.

Hidden Mist shinobi entered violently, ransacked our food, our supplies, took our clothes, our sheets…

The worst of it all?

They took people.

They took girls.

I awoke to screams. Instinctively, I grabbed Rin, shaking her awake as they entered, torches aimed to the ceiling, as flames slowly began to lick the weakened wood. There weren't many of us. So, we never had a chance to begin with.

I remember them though. Their laughs, their screams, their absolute disregard for human life. One man dragged a young girl off the bed, ripping her clothes off her as another took a boy, dragging him to the entrance of the orphanage. The boy tried to fight back, and just as quickly as he had raised an arm, he was struck down, his round skull flattened into the same wood we all crawled on at one point.

The worst part was the sounds. The screams, the slapping of skin on skin, the beating of bone on wood, the desperate cries for help when no help was coming.

I just held Rin.

It was all I knew how to do.

She had tried to get us to run, but upon seeing how the boy was treated when he tried to escape, I held her in place. She had tried to scream, but my hands covered her mouth as soon as I heard her inhale, for fear that her innocent face would be contorted into the catatonic stare of the girl on the floor, clothes, dignity, humanity, stripped away from her before our very eyes.

And I trembled.

But we couldn't do anything.

The old woman surged forward, begging, crying for the hidden mist shinobi to stop, offering money, food, herself, even, if it meant they would leave her kids alone.

But nobody listened.

Nobody ever fucking listened.

Oh

Sorry

did I shock you?

Did you think this would be _pleasant_?

Did you think we were going to get adopted by some nice young couple, move to Konoha, grow up with Kakashi and Obito and that I, somehow, would stop the Chidori from impaling my sister's chest? That we would grow up happy, and loved, and meet Naruto and Sasuke and that everything would be prevented?

Did you expect happy endings?

Did you forget this was Kiri?

More importantly, did you forget this was Kiri at _WAR?_

Nobody escaped.

Those who fought, died. Those who lived, served.

Rin and I lived.

For the time being, at least.

Flames grew taller, higher, and Rin and I stayed on our bed, shaking. Mist shinobi resumed ransacking the orphanage, and all I could do was stare.

The bloody masses of human pulp on the wood floors that had at one point, been boys. The empty shells of human beings staring catatonically at the ceiling, at the flames, at the men, their spirits broken as much as their bodies were, that had once been young girls. And the bloodied mess of an old woman, staring at her bloodied hands, trembling, shaking, broken.

It's hard, breaking old habits. Growing up, you're told adults will always protect you. Adults will always be there for you. Adults are meant to be your shining light, your example to " _be like this, you want this, this is good_."

You're told, for so long, that if you just walk a straight path, no harm will come to you.

That doesn't apply to this world.

That doesn't apply to anyone.

And I had no greater example, than this night.

"Come on." A harsh voice said, grabbing me by the hair and lifting me up to eye level. I let out a painful grunt as the mist shinobi eyed me, and I remember scrambling, tears in my eyes as I clamored for Rin. Tiny fingers reached out for the other half of the same body and I could almost touch her, almost, almost.

It was always just 'almost'

"RIN!" I screamed, hearing her cry as a shinobi grabbed her.

"We've got recruits." He yelled, as all the shinobi in the orphanage stopped what they were doing to turn their attention to us.

"No..." I struggled, clawing at the hand that held my brown locks. "No, no, no, no!"

I heard Rin scream, and I couldn't tell you the amount of rage anger and plain fury that filled my tiny body.

"Rin!" I yelled as the hidden mist shinobi piled me onto his back. I turned my face to see me sister, kicking, screaming, hitting as the hidden mist shinobi struck her across the face, an angry burst of blood staining the bed as her body went limp.

"Don't damage them before they get to training." The shinobi carrying me sighed.

I felt my blood run cold.

I had never felt hate like that before. I was watching my world burn. I was watching my life disappear. I was watching this orphanage, no matter how decrepit it was, wither away into nothingness.

My home. My haven. My sliver of peace in a world that knew none.

"Settle down, kid." The shinobi said. "It's not like you're being separated."

I swallowed hard as I saw the shinobi behind us pull Rin onto his back, her limp body swaying with each move they made as they exited the burning orphanage, and began running through the forest.

We never had a chance.

We never stood a fucking chance.

And it was that moment, under the pale moon, with the mist clinging coolly to my burning skin, that I felt real, burning, hate.

I never let go of that feeling.

Years later, in a town far away, with people who had never done me wrong…

It would still live in my chest.

It would _forever_ live in my chest.

* * *

"Let me see." I pleaded, standing in line as Rin stood in front of me, her face down, blood still dripping from her cheek.

"Rin." I begged, touching her shoulder as she shrugged me off. I felt my heart break as they called us all forward.

"Do you know where we are?" I heard a childish voice say. "I didn't know a raid was going to happen so soon, I thought both militias had enough soldiers, we did- "

"Silence." Another boom rang throughout the empty warehouse. Tiny kids, from ages 3 to 15, gathered together, dripping wet, cold, shivering.

"My name does not matter." Said the same voice, and I reached out for Rins hand instinctively.

"And now, neither does yours. "

I closed my eyes.

"You will be placed under military training to further Kiris efforts to suppress opposing forces. Some will live, some will die. Learn that fact quickly. I do not tolerate the weak, whether they are of mind or body." He snapped.

Rins hand gripped mine in a vice as we all looked around to find the source of the noise.

"We have your training regime set up." He said. "Most of you are orphanages. None of you have a place to go back to. Serve us, and we serve you. You receive food, clothes, and shelter from this militia. In return, we expect loyalty. We expect strength."

I swallowed hard, looking around at the endless pale, scared faces. It was like looking at a reflection of myself.

It was like looking into the eyes of death.

"Some of you have siblings, others, do not. Do not assume that you will stay together. You will have missions. Get used to the idea of them dying."

 _'no.'_

Ice rang through my veins and Rin and I snapped our heads up at one another.

"Training begins tomorrow."

 _'no.'_

"Go to sleep. We'll wake you when we need you."

 ** _'no.'_**

I bit my lip as tears began to well, and my heart, the tiny, shattered pieces of my heart broke into exponentially smaller ones once more.

This entire time…all I wanted was for us to live.

I had wanted safety.

I had wanted a life without shinobi careers, without danger, without death.

It had been my be all, end all, plan. If Rin wasn't a shinobi, she couldn't go to Konoha, she wouldn't go to the academy, she wouldn't be friends with anyone from there. She wouldn't meet Obito, she wouldn't meet Kakashi, she wouldn't have to DIE.

It was the only plan I had.

And In minutes…I watched it burn. I watched it wither away, and crumple in the wind, drifting into nothingness…

And I felt, completely, and utterly, hopeless.

That night, we all slept in the same cold, damp, warehouse we were gathered into. The smell of mold was potent, and we were given no blankets. We huddled together, all of us, trying to conserve heat as the rain hit the glass windowpanes.

I didn't sleep that night. Or many other nights after. I stared at Rin, the cut on her cheek still trickling a little blood down her porcelain skin, her small frame shivering as she fought against the cold. And in that warehouse, full of mold, and people who would all be dead within the year, I made a vow.

I was going to find a way through this.

There were no outs. Outs got you killed. But you could always battle through.

Escape= death. Fight back=death. Sneak out=death.

I couldn't die. Rin needed me. I couldn't leave her alone, and I couldn't kill her to save her from this reality either. I didn't have it in me.

I loved her too much.

So, I was going to battle through.

The only thing I could come up with was to make sure we were strong enough to defend ourselves.

And I'd be damned if I let my sister die without a fight.

I was going to be a shinobi.

I was going to be a shinobi that rivaled the Sannin. That rivaled the Kages.

If it meant I had to light the sky on fire to keep my sister safe, if it meant every single star in the sky needed to crash into the earth to make sure she lived, I would do it.

She was all I had.

And then, after everything, after the training, and the torture, and the missions…

When I had acquired the strength necessary to be the best there could be…when my name reached every corner of this dreaded world, when I was big enough, and strong enough, to make shinobis blood run as cold as mine did tonight…

...I was going to burn Kiri to the ground.

* * *

 _ **A:N**_

 _ **Thank you so much for all the reviews! I appreciate them so much, honestly, they keep my writing. I love hearing what you guys think!**_

 _ **To answer some questions, yes, we are gonna see young kakashi, minato, Kushina, etc. And Rei is actually a girl. They're identical twins (sorry for not making that a little clearer.)**_

 _ **Thanks so much for all the praise, it means so much to me! Enjoy this chapter, next one should be out soon!**_


	3. Chapter 3

The night of the raid, Mist Shinobi brought kids from far and wide. Some dressed in garments I had never seen, others with accents I had never heard. We were all different in age, with me and Rin being some of the youngest. It didn't matter if you could barely speak, if your body was still developing, if the psychological ramifications of this event would scar you for the rest of your days. If you could walk, you could fight.

And they would make sure you fought.

The first few days in the warehouse…. were hell.

We started by being awoken with water. A mist shinobi dangled from above the hanging pipes on the ceiling, and spit a wave of ice cold water that swept the entirety of the room to the left. I held on to Rin as other kids crashed into us, delirious from the sudden jolt of adrenaline, and we coughed as the current slammed us into the wall.

"Get up, and get in line."

I looked at Rin, her eyes wide, her grip on my shivering hand tight enough to turn my fingers purple. She swallowed hard as she got up, wiping the droplets from her face with a useless sleeve and wringing out the water from her yukata as best she could. I followed, lips trembling against the cold, as we all silently filed into a single line.

Maybe, in another land, I would've been mystified by the "magic" this man just performed. Maybe, in another land, my eyes would've popped out of my head and my jaw would have dropped in awe.

But I wasn't in another land.

I was in THIS land.

I didn't have the luxury of being impressed. I didn't have the luxury to stare in awe.

"Names and ages." The man commanded.

This was the reality I lived in. And I learned, very quickly, that dwelling on "could haves" never did anybody good.

We all moved forward, one by one, all cold, all shivering, as the man wrote down the "roster" on a clipboard.

"Name."

"Yuki, Hanami."

"Age."

"Seven."

"To the left. Next."

"Name."

"Tamika."

"Full name."

"….I don't have one."

"Age."

"Five."

"Center line."

I watched the line move up, as I tried to figure out a pattern, something, anything that would help us get through this. The lines were evenly spaced out in the warehouse, all of them leading to a different door. But there was nothing. The groups that were selected were scrambled, and there was no pattern in height, gender, age, or even body type. If they were recruiting soldiers, it would've made sense to sort them by some sort of factor. The ones with able bodies go one way, while those with above average chakra control, go another.

But there was no such pattern. It was like throwing marbles into a bag. Whatever you pulled out, you got, and you played with.

"Name."

"Nohara, Rin."

"Age."

"…I don't know."

"To the right."

I felt my stomach churn. Panic rose in me and I had to stifle it in order to move forward. There wasn't any help from memory at a time like this; the manga never explained the inner workings or the ugly underground to Kirigakure. It was just an island. And island of horror that eventually turned peaceful.

But peace was a long, long way from here. And I didn't have the time, nor the patience, to wait for it.

"Name."

"Nohara, Rei."

"Age."

I stared at him, my eyes narrowing as he glanced up from his clipboard.

"Age." He repeated.

"I don't know." I said.

"Center."

I stared at the man, trying to memorize his face as I moved forward. Brown hair, brown eyes, unimpressive features. The only thing noticeable about him at all was one ring on his finger.

I buried the image into my head.

They continued sorting the kids into files. I stayed within my group, the terror in the air palpable. We didn't move.

We barely breathed.

The sorting finished, and 3 different shinobi split off from the main group to guide us through the doors. I glanced over to the group Rin was in, catching her eye for just a second.

Her hair was still damp, the cut on her cheek still swollen and red, and her eyes….

God, her eyes…

Fear.

A fear I couldn't do anything about. I couldn't help her. I couldn't take her away.

I couldn't even mouth "It'll be okay."

Because I knew…I knew my eyes looked the exact same.

The doors opened, and shinobi rounded everyone into their respective rooms. Rin followed hers, and I didn't turn my head away from her until I saw her cross through the doors.

"Come on." Another shinobi said, annoyed, as he ushered my group in. Light streamed in and we blinked back against the brightness, our eyes unaccustomed to such a luxury. Lights dangled from above, clanking in the mild breeze coming in from the windows. Water dripped from the overhead pipes, the laminated tile green and rotting in some areas from years of neglect.

"Welcome to the 4th brigade of the first division. This is your training ground now."

….First division?

"You will all be trained in aggressive combat. You have no choice, and fairly soon, you will have no name. File in to the left. We'll check your potential, and assign you a seal."

….what?

We moved to the left, all of us still wet, and shivering, as we began to move forward.

"Hold this piece of paper." I heard him say. The first girl in the room shook her head, her eyes watering.

"Hold the paper." The shinobi said, anger rising.

There were too many people ahead of me in line. I couldn't see what happened exactly, but I know I heard a cry.

"Next."

"What do you think they'll do…" A girl in front of me asked, her voice trembling. "I don't wanna be a shinobi…" She whispered. "I…"

"Next."

"They're going to kill all of us." The whisper from the boy behind me drifted to my ears and I felt the back of my neck prickle as we moved forward once more.

"Next."

As I approached the front, I began to see the tile stained red.

"Next."

I closed my eyes as I heart the silent rips of sword through flesh, my shoes slowly slurping against the floor as the bright red liquid stained them.

 **Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.**

"Next."

"I'm scared." The girl in front of me whimpered, and I opened my eyes, if only to see what lied ahead.

Blood. Blood everywhere.

Kids were carted off to the sides, bodies held with no regard and dumped on top of each other.

I resisted the urge to scream and run.

Running got you killed. No questions asked.

"Next."

A group of "survivors" I guess you could say, huddled away from the shinobi. Kids who had passed the paper test, whatever that was. Eyes wide with fear, tembling hands clutching at each other, as they stared. I looked away.

"You'll be okay.." I shakily whispered at the girl in front of me. She was older, and taller than me, but still easily under 10. Her black hair hung to the middle of her waist and her clothes were torn and worn. She gave me a wary look over her shoulder as we approached the front of the line.

"How do you know?" She asked, her voice weak. Devoid of joy. Devoid of hope. Devoid of any possibility for survival.

"Just close your eyes." I suggested, my eyes still downcast. I didn't know if it would help. But I knew that..if I didn't pass the test…I didn't want to see the sword come.

"….What's your name?"

"Does it matter?" I scoffed, quietly.

"Next."

"If we die, I'd at least…like to know." She said, her voice quiet as she glanced over her shoulder.

"…Rei." I whispered.

"….Kina."

"Next."

She trembled, her shoulders shaking as we moved forward. She was up soon.

I wanted to tell her it would be okay. But how could I? How could I when we were standing on the blood of people who had once slept next to us, how could I when I wasn't even sure that **I** would be surviving?

I knew Rin, somehow, was supposed to make it to Konoha. The thought of her escaping this hell was enough for me to take another step forward. But the anime never said anything about Kiri before the war.

What if…What if Rin had a twin all along, and this is how she died?

What if this was how I was _meant_ to die?

What good does knowing the future do if you can't do anything about it?

Suddenly, Konoha seemed like a far off dream. Unnatainable, unreachable.

I felt empty.

And this girl in front of me…Kina…she felt that too.

So I did what I could. I reached out, my cold, tiny hand, wrapping around Kinas' as we took a step forward, a reassuring hold of comradery. Because regardless of everything…I was still a human being.

And in my past life…when someone is suffering, you comforted them.

No matter how useless it may be.

"You'll be okay." I whispered.

I saw her take a deep breath, as she closed her eyes, extending her free hand to grasp the white sheet of paper the shinobi handed her.

"Feed chakra into it."

….chakra paper…

I scanned my memory for any reason as to why they would be checking our chakra natures as she took hold of the thin sheet.

Chakra paper…used to check chakra natures. Wind, fire, earth, lightning, water.

Sometimes you only had one. Trained shinobi could have more.

But some…some had naturally combined releases.

Kekkei Genkais.

I felt my eyes widen as I felt her hand tingle, a sign that she was feeding chakra into it. A sign that I was already too late.

Kiri was hunting Kekkei Genkais.

How could I have forgotten?

How could I have forgotten the cause for the civil war?

The poor had gotten powerful. The government wanted to stop them. And they did so by cutting out the shinobi with kekkei genkais first.

A razor sharp feeling of despair cut into my spine as I told my muscles to move. But the "no" that rose in my throat never left my lips. The neurons in my brain never got the chance to deliver the message to my muscles. And I was just a second…just a second too late.

"Well, well." The shinobi chuckled.

The paper crinkled, as it dampened.

Lightning.

Water.

"Another Kekkei Genkai." The man said, raising his sword.

She still had her eyes closed. And for that, I was thankful.

The sword came down quickly, and I, at least, took comfort in the fact that she felt minimal pain.

Red liquid slashed across my face as I took a sharp inhale, droplets of blood entering my mouth and I could taste nothing but copper and iron and _**blood.**_

Her hand went limp around mine, as she fell to the floor. I stumbled away, letting go of her hand like it was made of razors, and I took another step back as the ever increasing puddle at our feet grew.

"Shame." Another shinobi muttered. "Storm Release is useful here."

I stared at her body as a shinobi came and dragged her away by her hair, my stomach heaving, my lungs, frozen.

I had told you once, I was still human.

This event was what made me question whether or not I still had humanity in me.

Because as soon as she hit the floor, the surprise, the shock, the pain I felt…melted. And I was overwhelmed…by how stupid I had almost been.

I remember thinking how I had almost destroyed everything. How I had been ready to take a step forward, as if I could've done something. As if I could've helped. As if anything I would've done would've landed me anywhere, except the same cold floor Kina laid on.

Her face was turned towards me as they laid her on top of the rest of the bodies, and I remember feeling a sense of regret. I felt an overwhelming need to say something, to apologize.

I could've warned her. I could've pulled her back.

But where would that have gotten us?

It would just be one more body added to the pile. My body.

And I had to survive.

I realized very quickly that playing the hero only got you killed. Looking out for others was a trait that wasn't abundant in this world, for good reason.

Safety isn't guaranteed.

You can't be soft here.

Not in Kiri.

What had that old lady said? _Forgiveness isn't important as long as you both just live._

I stared at her empty gaze for a minute, her blood still dripping down her throat, before I looked away.

I like to think it was this moment that marked my path on to being a shinobi.

Civilians are warm. They're kind and honest and good. They have hope, and love, and live a life with purpose.

Shinobi are cold. They get the job done, no matter the cost. They grow hard, their hearts become stone, their bodies become weapons, and they stop caring about dead people.

Dead girls. Dead boys. Dead kids.

They don't bat an eye.

I realize then, I'm not supposed to, either.

"Next."

I took a step forward.

* * *

Water.

My chakra nature was water.

"File up." A shinobi barked, and the survivors…me included….walked to the other side of the wall, away from the blood, the bodies, the empty gazes of eyes with no life behind them.

"As a member of the first division, you are expected to fight. You will be the manpower Kiri needs to defeat the rebellion, and you will learn quickly. You will be trained to resist the worst of the worst. Torture, mental or physical, needs to be nothing to you." The shinobi said, staring us down. "So, let's begin."

"Lights!" He said, as the dim lights above us flickered out. I stayed still as the kids around me shifted slightly, uneasy. Some began to whimper, others began to cry softly.

Darkness takes away visibility. And visibility is the key to reassurance. "You believe it if you see it" remember?

In the past 24 hours, we had been taken from our homes, dragged into a warehouse, witnessed murder, beatings, death…

And this..this was the last straw for a lot of the kids.

Psychological torture. The cherry on top of the sundae that was this militia.

Shinobi flitted around us, and the ever-rising sound of whispers began to flood the room.

It started with a small sound, a little whisper in one person's ear. Then two. Then three. Then four.

It got louder, and louder, and louder. Tiny voices, once irrelevant, grew and grew and grew, until all you could hear was the violent, rabid whispering of what seemed to be a hundred people, speaking quickly, speaking as if they were directly in your ear.

" **I'll rip you apart limb from limb, you won't even get to see it coming, you'll die, you'll die, you'll die** "

I gagged as I heard the whisper in my ear, and I kept my eyes shut.

" **I** **will rip your throat out in your sleep and make your family watch, just wait,** **you'll die** "

The whispers got louder, louder, louder. People began to scream, and they progressively got heavier, more desperate. I realized my breathing was rapid, and I shut my eyes as the screams got louder and louder.

I clamped my jaw shut. I knew if I started, I wouldn't stop. I felt a scream rise in my throat as I suppressed it, covering my mouth with my hands as I closed my eyes.

" **You'll die, you'll die, you'll die."**

The whispers elevated into shouts, into screams, into wails.

Some kids began to vomit, the stench floating in my nostrils as kept my eyes closed. I could still feel Kinas blood on my face, and I clenched my eyes shut harder, as if I could make it all go away. I wanted _to make it go away. I wanted it to end._

Screams, so many screams, echoed in the room loud enough to make me sob.

" **You'll die! You'll die! You'll Die!"**

….I don't know how long it went on for. I don't know how long people suffered.

But I stayed still. Tears on my cheeks. Hand on my face, blood on my fingers, eyes closed.

And by the time the lights flickered on, and I could open my eyes, I was surrounded two different types of death.

There is a death, where the body dies. The brain is an incredible thing, and panic, fear, and danger can literally send your body into shock. The whole "dying of fear" thing, is very, very much real.

And then, there's a death, when your spirit dies.

When you see no point to anything anymore. When you see no purpose, no light at the end of the tunnel, no potential for things to get better. It's a death of spirit, when you stop trying for anything, and accept the circumstances that life has dealt you, and you just don't care, you just don't _try_ anymore.

Those still standing, died this death.

That's what made it easy to mold children into shinobi.

Break their spirit. Break their minds. Break their bodies. And they'll do anything you want.

If they don't care, then they're easy to manipulate.

Right?

"Congratulations." A shinobi quipped from above, dangling on the pipes. "Those still standing, move forward."

They moved like the walking dead. I walked after them, slowly, feeling like my mind and my body were on two different planes of existence. My body was sore, and cold, and shivering. My mind…was blank.

It was an empty slate.

I was an empty slate.

I kept my head down as I leaned against the wall, looking glowering at the kids around me as my chest heaved.

Walking bodies with no shine in them ambled forward, doing as they were told. No fights, no sounds, no will. No life in their step. No light in their eyes.

…Did I have light in mine?

"Line up."

Once again, we formed a line. The numbers of kids had dwindled from a good group of 50, to maybe 15. Bodies still remained on the floor. Nobody paid attention to them.

I considered this our first training session in "emotional suppression."

Nobody cried. Nobody spoke.

We just..stared. And that's exactly what they wanted.

A shinobi walked around us, staring at us faces. I remember, so vividly, what I _wanted_ to do. I wanted to glare at him, to fight, to spit in his face and force him to look at the faces of the kids he had killed.

But instead, I just stared. I looked at him in the eye, my face blank. I memorized his face. Black hair, mole on his nose, yellow teeth.

He circled us like a vulture, assessing our "emotional standing" and when nobody did anything, when he was satisfied that we were broken, that we wouldn't fight, or argue…he walked to the front of the line, an evil smirk across his face as he stared us all down once more.

"Welcome to the First Division."

...And I remembered, so vividly, thinking that when the time came, he was going to be the first to go.

* * *

After that "initiation" we were officially part of the militia, and as such, we needed to receive our seals.

The seals they gave were some I'd never seen before. Each of us got it on our faces. Two light blue lines, going horizontally, one on top of the other on our right cheeks.

"For precautions." They had said.

Bullshit.

The seals were used for tracking. The person who did them, a shinobi of higher rank, the one who spoke to us the first night here, infused them with his chakra. If we ran, we were found. If we fought, we were disposed of. A flick of the finger, and the seal could be activated. The two lines on my cheek were two lines of basic explosiveness. One wrong move was all it took, and boom.

Why the face, you ask?

Tell me, if the only thing stopping you from freedom was a seal on your arm, or leg…wouldn't you sacrifice that limb to escape this hell?

"Food is lined up outside. Go. Come back once finished, and we'll begin training."

Silently, the bodies around me slowly began to file out. Faces downcast, hearts empty, spirits broken.

I stayed towards the back, looking back at the shinobi in the room as I tried to take in their appearances. Every last one.

"What do you want." The shinobi with the mole on his nose asked.

I turned away, moving forward as I exited the room.

* * *

These are the things I knew:

We lived in Kiri. Kiri, assuming, at its lowest point of stability. The third ninja war was looming, the second had just ended, and civil war was erupting. Manpower was needed. By any means necessary.

The warehouse was owned by the "National" side of Kiri. Meaning it was owned by the actual government OF kiri, not the rebels. The Mizukage knew this existed.

The Mizukage knew, and didn't care. Looking back, why would he? The death of a few for the benefit of many was a small price to pay when you weighed it out. What were we to him? Orphans who would slowly drain the resources of the village that ACTUAL shinobi worked for? Orphans who would undoubtedly defect, rebel, and fight back against the government that failed them?

There was a reason the mist had the highest number of defections in this world. He knew, very well, that orphans wouldn't fight for Kiri. Civilians wouldn't saddle up and fight to the death to defend the land that scorned them. Only the desperate, the ones searching for a way out, would go that route. If only to survive, they would pledge their allegiance to the system that had failed them, and undoubtedly die at that systems hands.

The rest, had to be forced, and It was with a sickening snort that I realized why a bunch of children were forced into the first division.

You can't have rebellion if you kill potential opposers.

The first division, the first to die, the sooner the potential opposition was killed.

If you snuff out the spark, theres no way for there to be a fire.

Integration was crucial. It was you fight, or you die.

…and they were banking on us dying.

"….Rei… A quiet voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I jumped at the sound, my shoulder hitting the wall I was leaning on hard. I snapped my head around, fear rising in my chest.

"….rin." I choked, my voice wavering.

Her face was gaunt. Her hair, still damp, her clothes, sticking to her thin frame and she shivered. There were red marks on her arms, swollen, bruising, and I, for the first time, was at a loss for words.

What do you say to a child who has gone through what we have?

What do you tell a child that has witnessed a dozen murders and is expected to go back to that same room in just a few minutes?

 _'I'm sorry'?_

Please.

We stared at each other. There was only a few feet between us, but she felt…so…far…away.

The past 24 hours had changed everything.

The past 24 hours had destroyed…everything.

We kept staring, taking each other in.

Gone were the girls who played in the orphanage. Gone were the girls who could wander and daydream and smile and laugh and joke like sisters.

Kiri had ruined that.

Kiri had ruined everything.

This is who we were now.

"…you got seals." She muttered, staring at the thin blue lines on my cheek.

"…..you did too." I whispered, trying my best to smile as tears welled up in my eyes.

Two purple lines ran down her cheeks.

Figures that's where she got them from.

"…I guess they're different for every division." She said, looking down. "Medical is purple."

"Right." I said, sinking back against the wall. "First division is blue."

"Right." She repeated.

We stayed in silence, as food was brought to us by an unnamed Shinobi. We stared at it on the floor, unable to form words, both our stomachs churning at the thought of even swallowing saliva, much less bread.

What do you say?

What _can_ you say?

"Rei…" She began, her voice wavering. I closed my eyes. If she started crying, there was no way I would be able to hold myself together.

I knew what she wanted to say.

But I just….couldnt.

I couldn't speak.

Rin needed comfort. She needed assurance that this wasn't permanent. She needed to get away as fast as possible. And I was hell bent on making that "as fast as possible" come as fast as fucking possible.

But I couldn't say anything. I couldn't give her that reassurance.

The words wouldn't come out, and even if they had been able to, I wasn't sure if I wanted her to hear it.

So I settled for the next best thing.

"I know." I whispered.

She sniffled once more, moving closer to me as I wrapped one arm around her thin frame.

Unspoken words, unspoken worries built between us as we stayed where we were.

"Just..work hard." I said, my voice shaking. "Work hard, and grow strong…and someday…"

Someday we'll get out of here. Someday we'll be so far away, you'll wonder if this place ever really existed. You'll meet great people, you'll make great friends, you'll even fall in love. You have a future ahead of you. It doesn't end here.

I won't let it end here.

She sniffled once more as she wrapped her arms around my torso.

"As long as we're together, right?" She whispered, her voice shaking.

I swallowed hard, one tear falling down my cheek as I nodded, pulling away.

"Right."

* * *

 **AN: AHHHHH**

 **I know this sounds ridiculous but I was putting myself on the edge of my own seat writing this. So i hope this ch did the same for you guys.**

 **Honestly, i'm thinking i might change the rating on this to "m" even though things tone WAY down in a couple chapters. Just because of the initial violence, you know? I need to make sure you understand how brutal Kiri is in comparison to good o'l Konoha.**

 **So yeah! The twins are going through forced training and honestly...it's hard to write.**

 **I've never considered myself 'good' at writing horror or fear, but I do my best! Let me know what you think in the reviews, and to all that already have reviewed, thank you so much! I appreciate those little paragraphs more than you'll ever know. :)**

 **Big things are coming for our little twinsies, next chapter should be up in another couple days!**

 **Thanks for reading! :)**


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